on wednesdays, we go to the library

118|365.2

i've decided that i think it's silly and boring to only title my blog posts with the day number.  so, i'm not doing that anymore.  i'm going to squeeze out a few more drops of creativity from my tired mom brain and come up with a relevant title to my blog posts now.  i'll still include the day number, mostly because if i don't, i'll lose track of what day i'm on by tomorrow, but this will be slightly more interesting and engaging, so there we go.  onto today's post:

i've had a hard time collecting my thoughts the last few days.  my brain is zooming along at a million miles a second, unable to settle on any one thought for very long, and frustrating the pants off of me and my children (actually literally in the case of my oldest.  he took his pants off and threw them at me today).  i don't like being distracted.  i don't like the way it feels emotionally or physically.  i don't like the way it changes how i am with my kids and my husband.  i don't like feeling compelled to check my phone every 3 minutes just to give my brain something, anything, to settle on.  

so today, when i woke up and it was cold and rainy and gross, and breakfast took 8 times longer to cook and clean up than usual because of all the pit stops i made at my phone along the way, and all the extra sass my kids were sending out because of it, i almost decided to skip our weekly trip to the library.  we were already running behind and i still needed a shower.  my little had already ripped off the sweatshirt i had stuffed and re-stuffed him into at least 4 times.  my big kept screaming "no i won't!" at me even if the request was along the lines of "please go eat that piece of chocolate the size of your fist".  it was 9:15 and already i was tired.  i was stick-a-fork-in-me done.  but for whatever reason (probably the compelling work of the infinitely patient Holy Spirit), i did it anyway.  i tossed the little in his crib with a book, gave the big strict instructions to leave him alone, and took a 5 minute shower.  i threw on leggings (the horror) and a sweatshirt, threw my wet hair in a ponytail, and let the big wear rain boots and his new raincoat- with the hood up- while the little put his own crocs on.  we hopped in the car and somehow made it to story time with 5 minutes to spare.

and world- it was awesome.  the kids participated in the story and songs.  they requested to stay and make the craft for the first time since the little came on the scene (almost 2 years is what i'm saying here).  they played on the computers without throwing the mouse at me.  we read books, together, for so long i lost track.  they smiled.  i smiled.  there were no fights.  no need for discipline.  they thanked the librarian- without needing to be reminded- after she checked us out.  and we stayed so long that by the time we got home it was time for lunch.  glorious, glorious lunch.  

the library saved me today.  it unplugged me from the world and plugged me into my kids.  it helped me focus and settle and breathe and just be, even for just a little while.  and so even though there are only 2 pictures to prove that it really did happen, i'm glad.  today was one of those days that i needed to live, not document <3

day 111

popping in quickly tonight to say that the "shoot to freeze motion with the dslr" plan has so far been a major fail.  i have pulled out my nikon the last 2 days, but each time i can barely get even one image that feels good enough to keep.

it seems as though my life as a photographer is going to run in cycles of 2-3 bad weeks for every good week.  repeat.  over and over.  for eternity.  sigh.

oh, and only 2 iphone shots today.  there was much mom-ing to be done that didn't leave much time or space for photographing, even with just my phone (and what i really mean here is that every time i'd pull out my phone to take a shot, my little would sneeze and half his brain would come out.  yay allergies!).  i'm thinking tomorrow and then this weekend will be my chance to renew and revive.  and even if things don't improve, i plan to shoot right on through, because the good news is, when things swing down, there's nowhere left to go but up :)